Tired.

Do you remember how when you were younger, bedtime used to be a battle? I never wanted to go to bed. Now, I'm the complete opposite. When I got home from church last night, I was so excited to sleep in my own bed that it wasn't even funny. I crawled under the covers and passed out.

This weekend was so much fun. We left bright and early on Saturday morning to meet our group at Belgium Waffle House in Ozark. From there we headed down to Arkansas. I drove. Bad idea. The roads in Harrison are ridiculous. They are so skinny that I had a hard time keeping my truck in it's lane. But if I thought the roads there sucked, I wasn't prepared at all for Jasper. The speed limit is 20mph because the roads are SO curvy. I was crying by the time we pulled over for gas, because I was so stressed about just staying on the road.

Once we arrived at Kyle's Landing, we started the descent down the mountain on a super sketchy dirt road. We picked out our sites and got to work setting up our stuff. We had eight tents! There were sixteen of us that went, and I was the only girl. After we got set up, everybody set off on the hike. I always go on the hike, but this year I passed. The trail they were taking was straight up a riverbed, and I have a superb knack for really twisting my ankles. So I hung back with my dad and brother, and ended up taking a nap in my truck.

That night we roasted hot dogs and marshmallows, of course. Then we sat around the fire just laughing at jokes and stories until about eleven. I had my own tent this year because my dad snores like a freight train. So I wrapped myself up in my sleeping bag and went to sleep, only to awaken about two hours later because I was so cold. I was up the rest of the night trying to stay warm.

About seven-thirty the next morning, we had breakfast and stood around the fire trying to heat up. Packing up our stuff always sucks, but it went really fast this year. When we were packed and had taken a group picture, we started the drive home. Every year we stop in Harrison to eat at Western Sizzlin'. This year was no disappointment. I had fried chicken, mashed potatoes with white gravy, a roll, roast and potatoes, ice cream, and chocolate chip cookies. And it came within being in the top five best meals of my life. Yum.

When we got back last night, I had to go to church for a rehearsal, and then there was Bible study afterwards. Ashlyn and I had fun, but then again, it's always fun with the two of us. When we came home, I sat and watched TV for a little bit before I gave up and went to bed.

This week has been/will be crazy, but I love it. Tomorrow is my birthday (holla!), Wednesday I start watching the cutest little girls, Thursday I go up to the office, Friday I have a dress rehearsal, Saturday we have an event at church, and then Sunday we have church. I'm looking forward to a very busy "birthday week".

Have a great week!

"I wish I had a stuffed cat."

     The title of this post is what I heard come out of my mothers mouth today. Nothing had been said about anything to do with cats, and then that just popped out of her mouth. Apparently she was looking at pictures of kitty litter cake, but still, that's not something you hear everyday.

     Last night, a good friend lost his keys after service. I didn't think anything about it until a few hours later. I just randomly got up to check my purse, and they weren't in there. My mom checked her purse and lo-and-behold, there were Daniels keys. So we hopped in the truck and drove over to his house real quick to drop them off. We ended up talking to his mom for half an hour before he actually got there. After multiple apologies, we drove home. It was an eventful night, but I'm glad everything worked out and he got his keys back.

      Today I went up to work at the office. I've been doing this for almost three months now, so you'd think I'd have the routine down, right? Wrong. I made the mistake of putting all my jeans in the washer about an hour before I had to leave. Stupid. I got out of the shower to realize that I had no jeans to wear. So I decided to start on my hair. An easy task, right? Wrong. I spent forty-five minutes trying to do something, anything, with it. I tried doing a braided headband, a plain braid, a side messy bun, and a side ponytail. Nothing was satisfying. At that point, my mom came in and told me I had five minutes. I wasn't dressed, my hair was a mess, and I had yet to put on any make-up. I hurriedly put on my foundation, only to discover I was out. I threw the bottle away, threw my hair up in a bun, and pulled on some clothes. Of course, the outfit that I put together in .5 seconds was cuter than anything I could have tried to plan. Story of my life. By this time, I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I know, you're thinking, "Wow. A mental breakdown over not being ready on time?" Yes, it's silly, but I had bombed my Algebra 2 this morning, and that was the last straw. But a phrase came to me just as I started to lose it. "Breathe." I always tell this to one of our student associates when she starts to get stressed, but I never took my own advice. Ironic, huh? I guess I learned today that not everything in my life has to be perfect. I don't always have to have a plan. I just have to trust.

      Tomorrow we are packing for our Annual Washam/Garrison Hike. Every year, the guys (and I) on my dads side of the family go camping/hiking down in Arkansas. It's so fun to sit around the fire and talk with everybody. We have to make a trip to Wal-mart tomorrow to collect all the junk food we'll be gorging ourselves on. Also on the agenda is setting our tent up in the backyard to clean it out. The last time we were camping, we had to take it down in the rain, so I can only imagine what it looks/smells like. Ick. Then we  leave at 6:30 sharp on Saturday morning, and will return by Sunday afternoon. I'm looking forward to it, but I hope we don't freeze to death.

       I guess I've rambled on long enough, so I'll leave you with this...

                                                  This song is fantastic. Check it out.

Love.

      Well, it happened tonight. I fell in love. Actually, it was more like I jumped back into love. I jumped back into love with my Creator. The God who gave me life and breath is my lifelong love. He was my first, and He'll be my last.

        We sang a song tonight that said, "Your grace is sufficient for me". How true is that? His grace will always be enough for me. Whether I know it or not, He is always sufficient. I forgot that. But I remember now. I remember that feeling of being lit on fire and having this internal flame in my soul. I remember wanting to run around telling everyone how incredible my God is. He loves me. He loves ME. With all my quirks, faults, and screw-ups. He loves me wholey and completely. He never leaves me. He will never forsake me.

        There was a video played tonight that talked about changing the world. This excites me. I want to do big things for the kingdom. But a lot of times, I get stuck. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, or how I'm supposed to be going about carrying out my calling. It hit me tonight: love. Love God, and love others. That is what God calls us to do. If we love God, and love others, everything else will work itself out.

       I'm not sure why it took me 15 years to realize this (*facepalm*), but I'm glad I realized it at all. If you're struggling with handling God's call on your life, love. Love God, and love others. You will be filled. I promise.

      Peace out, girl scout.


P.s: I realize this post is totally random, but it was what was on my heart. Thanks for reading.

Train Wreck.

    DISCLAIMER: This is going to be a mess of a blog post. If you can handle it, proceed.

   I'll start off with the exciting things that happened to me this week. Last night was Girl's Bible Study. I love that time. It's so nice to spend time with other girls just digging into God's word. Then today we had co-op. I was really bummed after first hour because I totally bombed my Cultural Anthropology quiz. Yes, that's right, I failed. It's not something I'm proud of, but it's not something I'm going to dwell on. It's in the past and I'm going move on and try harder. Then things started to look up when I got an A on my paper. English is my thing.

   Then, I came home to a huge surprise! I got a truck! It's a black Dodge Ram 1500. Don't ask me about the details, because I don't know. All I know is that it has air conditioning and it's super cute. My dad will be using it occasionally, but it is mostly mine! I'm so thankful that my parents bought this...they are the best.

   And, this week, I got a job! One of our student associates, James, has two little girls. He and his wife need someone to watch the girls once a week while James works and Abi has basketball practice. I've been praying about a job for a while now, and He is faithful.

  Something I've been thinking about this week is feelings. Imagine that, a teenage girl thinking about feelings. Shocker. The thing I've always struggled with is overreacting and under reacting. I don't want to over-analyze my feelings, because then I create problems that don't exist. But I don't want to be careless with my feelings, because then I might make a choice that isn't in line with Gods plan for me. So where do I find balance? I wrestle with this a lot. Any suggestions? Help is appreciated.

Screams and dreams.

    Obviously screams and dreams do not go hand in hand. But they are two things that have played a role in my life this past week.

    First off, screams. Rbcstudents took a little field trip to the Verona corn maze last night. Hello, haunted! I like to think that I'm not a scaredy-cat, but in reality, I am. We were but a few steps into the maze before I shut my eyes, grabbed the person in front of me, and ran. Strobe lights, creepy clowns that aren't supposed to touch you but do, and bubble/chainsaw machines kind of scare me. Luckily I wasn't the only one that was mildly terrified. A few other girls, Abi, Kari, and myself all bonded over screaming our heads off. Fortunately, we had our fearless leader, Daniel, and James to "guide" us through. If you ask me, we just made a bunch of random turns and magically ended up at the end. After finishing the maze, we gathered around the fire to roast hotdogs and marshmallows and chat. Then a group of us walked over to see some of the boys launch pumpkins. Jess and I took off when the giant creepy thing with horns started coming towards us. We ended up having a nice conversation on the way back to the fire. I loved getting to spend some quality time with some of my closest friends. It's not every day a girl finds true friends like these!

  Now we shall talk about dreams. I have lots of them. And I want to make lots of them happen. Here's a short little list of a few of my dreams:

1. Backpack around Europe before I have kids.
2. Study abroad for a semester.
3. Go on a short term foreign mission opportunity.
4. Meet the man of my dreams, fall in love, and get married (simple, right?).
5. Have kids.
6. Adopt kids.
7. Build a house.
8. Write a book.
9. Live life to the fullest, and never waste a moment.
10. Love God with all I am.

    I do realize that probably only a few of these will actually come true. So if I had to choose, it'd be 3,4,5,9, and 10. I like to dream big. I think if we don't dream big, then we will never do big things. And I want to do big things. What are your dreams?

Recap.

        Hello Blogger-world! This has been one fun week! I have been really busy, but it's doing stuff I enjoy. I know there will come a time in my life where I will be busy doing things I don't particularly like, so I'm thankful for some fun things to do right now.

        Wednesday I spent the afternoon in the office with Jessie. James was on vacation so we had some good girl time. Then that night we had Midweek. Let me tell you, I really love Wednesday night services. They are so energizing and uplifting that it gives me a positive outlook on the rest of the week. We continued our study on Courage. If you haven't heard Francis Chan before, check him out. He is such a great speaker and is so encouraging.

       Thursday was round 2 of the office. Jessie and I hung out all day and then caravaned over to Parkview to serve dinner to the football team. They are such a great group of guys and I hope they have a great rest of the season.

       Friday I celebrated my bestie's, Brittany, sweet 16. We all met up at co-op and had some pizza, and then over to the mall for a scavenger hunt. We split up into teams and had to spell out sixteen with pictures of items in the mall. Here's what we came up with...

S- Skittles
I- Icee
X- XS shirt
T- Teddy bear
E- Energy drink
E- Elephant
N- Necklace

       And, of course, my team won! Then it was time for karaoke and cupcakes back at the church. Brittany is such a great friend and I was so glad I got to celebrate her birthday with her!

      Saturday was the annual JH bonfire out at the Elliotts house. There were eight of us SH students that volunteered to help. We had around 65 Junior High kids that night, so it was a huge success. The evening started off with a scavenger hunt. The Elliott's have a couple of acres so the place was crawling with students. Then we ate a dinner of hot dogs and hamburgers, standard bonfire food. Up next was the always entertaining "Capture the Pumpkin". There's nothing like 65 kids running around in the dark wearing glow-in-dark glasses while trying to steal a pumpkin. After we were tired and sweaty from playing, we gathered around the fire for some worship. Daniel did a few songs and then Quinn did a short teaching time. I was amazed at how attentive the students were during this half hour. It was a great message and I think it hit home with a lot of them. Finally, we broke out the marshmallows for some s'mores. It was a great night and I'm glad I got to be a part of it.

   Yesterday we had church in the morning. As we were leaving, someone came and pointed outside saying that there was a lot of black smoke coming from down the street. We hopped in the car and drove about a mile before we came upon the fire. One of the apartment complexes down the road had caught on fire. It was so horrible to see the fire blazing and parts of the building falling off. Please pray for the families that lost their homes in the fire. Then last night was the Mark Shultz/ 33 Miles concert at church. My mom, Daniel, and I were volunteers, but once we realized that they didn't need us, Daniel and I drove over to Phoenix's house for Bible study.

   Today has just been a weird day. I knew it wasn't going to go well for me when I poured a bowl of cereal and then tried to eat it with a fork. After I finished my Algebra 2, I realized that I had yet to read 13 pages of A&P, and I have a test over it tomorrow. I studied my little butt off and learned all about the skin, only to realize I had read my syllabus wrong, and the quiz isn't until next week. Fail. Tonight I'm going and working the Nixa concession stand at the football game. It'll help me earn money towards upcoming trips and events, so I will be serving hot dogs until Jesus comes back, or 8 tonight, whichever comes first.

   So needless to say, it's been a full but fun week here at my house. I hope your week will be full of surprises and blessings!

Calling.

This week has slapped me in the face.

But some really good things have come out of it.

Like, for instance, God and I had a little heart-to-heart this afternoon. I got really bored, so I threw on my tennis shoes and went for a little walk. Side note: I walked for 2 1/2 miles, and by the time I got home, I was sweatin'. I keep a pretty good pace. Anyways, I was noticing the bright blue skies and the colors of the trees, and then I started thinking. *insert appropriate response*. I heard I quote the other day that said, "The need is not the call." Ouch. I spent hours last night trying to dissect it and decide if I agree with it or not. I think I do. Obviously we can always meet a persons basic needs. Love, food, clothing, etc. But the need for something is not God's call on our life to do that something. You are uniquely gifted by God. The key is finding out what you were creating uniquely to do, and that's what you pour out of yourself. If you're operating within your gifts, you will feel energized, not empty. There will always be the need to do something, but there will never be the call to do everything. I have really struggled with this area of my life for the past few months. What am I called to do? The Lord says I am to love others. Everyone loves in a different way. To me, a calling is the unique way that God calls you to love others. I'm still figuring out what that unique way is.

"I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance (endure with) to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:1-3

If you're struggling with God's calling on your life, start with the basics. If you follow these verses and are open to God using you, He will make His way shown.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." -Jeremiah 29:11.

Unload.

Tonight we started a new series at church entitled "Courage". This is a big one for me. I like to think that I'm a brave person. But the truth is, I'm only brave when I'm in my comfort zone. When I know my friends will still love me even if I screw up. When I know I'll still be accepted. But when I'm outside of my comfort zone, I'm such a coward. I don't like meeting new people, and I don't like those painfully awkward, forced conversations. My Cultural Anthropology class has been talking about loving people that are different from us. Christ call us to love others. But we can't truly love them unless we first build a relationship with them. That requires courage. And that scares me. What if they think I'm a wacko? What if they hate me? These are the questions that ran through my mind as I tried to be a little more courageous tonight. I tried to step up and step out. No one thought I was a wacko, and no one hated me, and I TRIED. God just wants us to try. He doesn't label us as failures if we are rejected. He just wants us to keep trying, because eventually we will make an impact. I'm going to try and go a little out of my way this week to be courageous. Will you?
My second thought for this evening is "time". I either have too much time, or not enough. And when I need time, I don't have it, and when I don't need it, I get even more of it. September was just stupid busy for me. There were four days that month that I wasn't doing anything other than school. I hate that I try and rush through one thing so I can mark it off my list and move on the the next thing. Last month just flew by, and I know I didn't savor it in the way that I should have. I'm turning 16 on November 1, and I'm so excited, but I'm also a little scared. When did I grow up? When did driving go from five years away to less than a month? I remember talking with my best friend about "when we get to high school". Now I'm already a sophomore. Next year I'll have to take the ACT and start looking at colleges. I'm excited about getting older and reaching new milestones, but it's a lot to swallow. I'll have to  get a job, I'll be going to school, I'll be involved in church, and will I have enough time for it all? I pray I will. I don't want to get sucked up in everything and start skipping out on church. It is such a necessary time for me to unload all my "junk" from the week and renew my spirit.

Lastly, let's talk school for a little bit, eh? The school fairy has disappeared this year, and the school demon showed up. Algebra 2 was giving me enough problems, and then my Personal Finance teacher decided I wasn't getting enough math in my life, so I should "reconcile with the bank". Good grief, people. I tried for hours on end to try and get this woman's checkbook to balance with her back statement. Eventually, I realized if I factored in the one number he told us to ignore, it all balanced out. Yay for teachers who lie. Then, my A&P teacher decided that we should read Module 2 this week, and have a quiz over it next week. I am not the kind of person who can just read something and remember it. I have to go in depth and understand it, and then I can remember it. But memorizing thirty pages in a week is killing me. I know this is probably "normal" for all you public school crazies, but I think this is ridiculous. How are we supposed to learn if stuff is just constantly being thrown at us and we are expected to remember it. Call me crazy, but doesn't this seem unproductive to you?

Well I suppose I've rambled on long enough. Enjoy the rest of your week fellow bloggers!